Friday, April 30, 2010

rick owens jeans

a few weeks ago, i was stomping through that stupid new venetian hotel when my day was absolutely ruined because a really excellent woman walked by me and ruined my buzz. the pants she was wearing were perfect for the universe at that very moment, god himself was wearing a lesser pair of pants! and she wore them like she knew, like she had planned this. she was upstaging god and she knew it and she enjoyed every moment of it.

i can't even describe to you this feeling; i got it once before in the elevator going up to the engagement ring floor at tiffany's on fifth when i looked over and the man standing next to me had the best jaw bones i had ever seen. i was torn between elation at having had the chance to see the world's best jaw line and uncontrollable wrath- that i did not get such a bone structure. the fact that we were buying my engagement ring became just a boring detail of that day.

so ever since i saw that bitch- prostitute to you, golden idol to me, i have been determined to find great pants too. This is an easy job for me, i only take easy jobs because i'm lazy, as i already have them. the problem is that in order to wear the pefect pants, you have to have the perfectly desirable physique of a twelve year old boy. i already don't eat so a diet is out of the question, and exercise is disgusting. the only way to drop pounds for me is to give up the good stuff!

so, for the past twenty-one days, not a drop of booze has passed these lips. i've lost weight and look good in pants but it's not worth it at all. i am pretty but i am miserable! i think the fun in all of this is that i must have been really intoxicated when i saw the lady with the perfect pants because, seeing them again, they're not that great.

Monday, March 22, 2010

entry summary: poor people eat pop tarts.

republican comrades chillax because we're picking up the slack for the poor people for far worse things than healthcare.

i live in a state that has public healthcare. on a state level, it works out really well. although i certainly don't think everyone is entitled to it, i don't think it's the worst thing we can be spending our money on, especially if we get the money from the right places-

here's a fun article about the science behind fast food:

healthcare and this fast food crisis are not only goin' hand in hand these days, they're violently butt fucking eachother and the fast food is the guy on top. i am somewhat of a personal chef for a living. if i cook a well balanced, healthy meal that consists of organic produce and non-factory farmed animal products, it costs me about one and a half times the price that eating out at a really decent restaurant would and about four times the price of fast food. fast food is going to win, for this fact alone, taste and dependency aside.

when you eat yo'self a whopper or a bucketta chicken, you're eating food that has been scietifically altered for you to chew fewer times, chemically built to cause your body to feel false emotions of happiness and accomplishment and is completely devoid of almost any nutritional value other than mass in your stomach. it is possible to become physically dependent on this crap and it's cheap. and there are so many people who are too stupid to care.

what should enrage you is that years down the road, most of our healthcare money is going to go to pay for diabetes treatment. if lap bands aren't covered by insurance now, they will be. because that's how bad things have become, we need to make our stomachs smaller because we don't have the willpower to do it wourselves. kidney transplants, costing hundreds of thousands of dollars will be necessary for poor kidneys subjected to the daily wrath of the shit you are putting in your face hole. not you, probably. if you're reading my blog you're hella smart. and in really good shape. and good looking. but you, as in that guy you saw in the escalade at the drive through. THAT jackass.

i don't think anybody thinks that big macs, little debbies, cheesy poofs, and pop tarts are healthy for you. but they're cheap and if you've been eating them for this long, why stop now? new mexico is a really poor state, kind of. every time i go to any grocery store other than whole foods or trader joes, someone on line in front of me is paying with 'EBT', and i always look at what they're buying. it's always the same shit. there are ALWAYS doritos present. ALWAYS. the food that is purchased, rather handed out, is always food with the purpose of filling the stomach and pleasing the maw, never for nourishment.

i don't think you can convince these people to make better choices but we certainly can FORCE them with a hefty sin tax for sugary fatty processed shit. if them funyons is a dollar extra, maybe that money can be better spent on what your poor abuelita had to spend her limited funds on- beans and rice and potatoes? maybe if you can't feed your entire family of six hijos and yourself for a ten spot at the mcd's, maybe you would have to prepare something at home, and maybe in preparing it you would take a moment to think about what it is you are feeding your children?

please tax the hell out of this stuff, not just for the sake of the stupid but even for the sake of people like me, who eat junk occasionally for the sheer ease of not having to get out of the car to pick up lunch? a sin tax will help put in persepective what this mass feeding really is.

this is going to piss a lot of people off and a good ad campaign can let them know, or at least tell them, that this is for their own good. if they put up a stink it makes them absolute animals. if we have a public healthcare system and allow the lifestyle choice of millions and millions to go on as it does, we are committing this sweet country's suicide. there is NO way that we can pay for the health problems these people are creating for themselves. unless we go the soylent greens route.

so don't be mad that the government is going to mandate that a pregnant woman who has been dropped from her insurance is going to have to be covered. i've been down that road, it's IMPOSSIBLE to get coverage, no matter how much money you are willing to pay a month. and getting knocked up was something i did (or at least some guy did) to myself. i can't imagine how i would feel if i were dropped for having cancer.

be mad that the government is encouraging the the poor and stupid to be walking fiscal time bombs and YOU're going to have to pay to fix it. be mad that the lady in front of you at the store bought that coordinating new nike track suit and shoes with the money she saved feeding her kids party pizzas and SHIT that will pump their little bodies with chemicals and fat.

lily and i are working on our french so that one day when mr. obama's gun to the country's head does go off, we can move to paris and open a carnitas stand. they way our abuelitas made them.

Thursday, January 28, 2010

today the snow is falling sideways. it's easily been a difficult day- easy waking up under silk sheets to the tiny face of a sleeping lily but difficult to reckon with in general-

the bulk of my concentration is spent on the unspoken conduct of people. if someone holds a cigarette the way i like or has their pants wrinkled in the right place, i like them more than anything they could ever say or do could convince me. i know immediately i could never be friends with someone who makes that stupid puckered lip face in pictures. but i also know that i'll immediately like anyone who has a hook nose. unless your nose is really small but still hooked- then you're just untrustworthy.

most of the people in my life don't understand this. people get offended when i don't like them for reasons i'm not willing to explain to them. i'll either piss someone off or sound very shallow if i tell them the truth that i don't want to be around them because they feel it necessary to discuss their iphone.

in real life, offenders can be physically avoided. but not on the internet. the facebook can go to hell.

Tuesday, January 5, 2010

here's another dog i like that didn't get adopted. i'm not really fond of most dogs, but when i like one i really like it. and this guy looked like he was an excellent dog.

he didn't have a name and i'm surprised nobody wanted him. but i won't forget about him.